Sirius
by OneDozenSticks
Summary: Concerning Sirius' life at home, told in the first person, only has two chapters so far, contains child abuse. Discontinued. Abandoned.
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE (enjoy XD)**

Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts. How many a time have I thought about that? How many times have I wanted to die? Many a time. My name is Sirius, and I am a Black.

In my house, if you are me, you're afraid to sleep, you're afraid to even blink. Anything can happen in that one moment of helplessness. For me, it is much more than a slap across the face; it's a kick in the ribs, or in the head. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Some Gryffindor I am, I can't even live up to life.

I'm scared all the time and things are getting harder. My friends are getting too suspicious. My teachers are getting upset because I don't turn in homework. Even McGonagall is curious; because I cowered the last time she surprised me from behind in the hall.

At home I'm starting to believe that my mum is going to beat me to killing myself. Once I couldn't use my wand at all, it was when I was about eleven. My arm was charred with burns, and bleeding furiously with a deep, fresh cut. I remember it like this:

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Regulus was really sick, and my mum was doting over him. She had forced me to come home for the holidays to help take care of him (I wanted to come anyway because I really did and do love my brother) and she was making me cook the stew. It was simmering deliciously, and I was very hungry. She hadn't allowed me to eat, and I had just wanted a little taste of it. It had been cooking over the fireplace, so I had dipped my finger in to get a little. I had forgotten how hot it was.

I had snatched my hand out of the fireplace, and it had all tipped over, spilling on the floor and everywhere. I stood frozen as my mum called me from the kitchen furiously, "What happened Sirius?!"

"I spilled it! I'm sorry!" I had screamed, cowering away from an anticipated blow. She had told me, her nostrils flaring, to pick it up. I had, bending down to try to scoop it all back into the pot. She had gotten furious and grabbed my messy hand with her claw-like one.

"Sure! Pick it up like a filthy muggle!" she had screeched, pulling me towards the fireplace, "Fine! You want to be one, then get burned and hurt with idiotic mistakes like them!"

She had thrust my arm into the fireplace, and I had started to shriek in pain. Her expression didn't phase for a moment. When she was satisfied I had been tortured enough, she pulled it out and threw me on the ground. I had splashed into the goopy soup, cradling my agonizing arm.

She had stormed into the kitchen, coming back with a kitchen knife. She had thrown it at me erratically screaming, "You filthy disgrace!"

Strangely it had sliced that same arm, and I had sat there crying, with blood in a pool around me for a long time--until she came and told me to pick everything up.

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That's how I remember it. Now I can't use my wand again, because she broke my arm. She's refusing to fix it, even if school starts again in less than two weeks. I can't wait for it, and at the same time, I want it so much to not come. Summer vacation is nearly over, and I wasn't able to do a bit of homework. Questions would start being raised, and I was not up to answering them.

**TBC**

**By the way, I'm really scared about this rating stuff, so if anyone can help me figure out the rating for this it would be appreciated. **


	2. Of Cocoa and Demons

**Chapter One**

**Of Cocoa and Demons**

As a giant black dog, I slunk through my house as quietly as possible. Taking the route I thought best I only hoped my mum wouldn't find me. My long claws struck the tile of the kitchen with what seemed like a deafening ticking in the silence of the house. My mum always seemed to have the ears of a bat, and I only hoped more that she couldn't hear me. I didn't dare try to sneak food for myself; I was in enough trouble as it was.

Sad thing is, I didn't even know what I was in trouble for. She just came up to my room and started yelling at me for being a shame and a failure and started beating on me. She grabbed me by the arm, snapped it back, and threw me against the wall. She then grasped the third place trophy I had one in fourth grade for third fastest runner and brought it down hard upon me. She raised the trophy to do it again as I covered myself with my arms screaming "Please, I didn't do anything, Mum!" but nothing happened. She had collapsed on my bed sleeping discontentedly. I expect she was drunk.

All I needed as I left that house was to get away, get away from being hated, and get away from being beaten on for nothing. I trotted down the dirt road atop the large hill we lived on, heading toward the village. Once there I stared around at the small town. I had hardly ever been in the village, because muggle-borns and muggles lived there. It wasn't very lively, but it wasn't dead either. It seemed like everyone was inside because of the cold. I could even feel it through my thick fur. It was an early sign that autumn was coming in, another reminder of the upcoming first day of school.

A lot of the few people who were outside turned to stare at my emaciated figure, Mum hadn't allowed me food in more than a week. But no one stopped to help me, the poor stray. I wondered if they even noticed I was hopping around on three legs, or could even see how close to unconsciousness I was.

I pressed my wet nose against the foggy window where muggles and wizards alike were sipping at hot cocoa and slurping at warm soup. I realized I was drooling and tried to look away. But it looked so delicious I started scratching at the window with my front paws. _Please, give me just a scrap! _My eyes pleaded with the couple sitting by the window. The shop owner came over to the window, for a moment I thought he'd let me in—or at least give me something, instead he started yelling at me to get away from the window.

I gave him the best puppy dog eyes I could muster, but he continued to wave his hands angrily at me. Finally he trudged towards the door and opened it. My ears perked up with excitement. _Was he really letting me in!?_ I scuttled quickly up to the door, but he was still screaming at me, telling me to get lost.

At the expression on his face I was about to turn tail and leave, but the warmth in there mixed with the scrumptious smell made me think otherwise. I looked up at him with stormy grey eyes and made a quick prayer that he wouldn't hurt me if I went in for just one second. I walked carefully until I was a foot away then darted in.

"What—!" He shouted chasing after me with a broom. I dashed between the round tables, suddenly afraid. I couldn't handle another beating! The pain in my right foreleg was immense, finally it crumpled beneath me and I crashed into the very table with the couple by the window.

I looked up helplessly as the shop owner came up to me menacingly. I whimpered before he even touched me, all too used to a figure standing above me threateningly, ready to beat me to a pulp. Everyone around me was muttering, recovering from the commotion I had caused moments before.

The shop owner grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, making me cry out in anguish. He literally threw me out of the restaurant, kicked me in the ribs, and warned me to stay out. I lay there motionless, my side burning, I knew my body wouldn't take much more, and I would pass out from the pain within a few minutes, maybe less.

My ears remained trained, however, for any more threats. They had learned to do that from small, when I'd hide in a dark corner, denying myself much-needed sleep, my ear would remain constant in its job no matter how fatigued I was.

Now I could hear the shop owner apologizing to his customers, assuring them no mangy mutt would come in again. There was fuss as chairs and tables righted themselves magically. My back was turned from the restaurant as I lay there, but I could distinctly hear someone harshly scolding the shop owner for what he did, telling him he should have at least given me something to eat. She said (at least from what I could tell the voice was female) she was appalled at what he did, and if he didn't understand she'd gladly teach him. There was a SMACK, and I heard the bell atop the door ring. Someone stepped towards me in the cold windy air, crouched down, and ran a hand across my fur soothingly.

I could hear laughter and someone screaming, "My nose, she made it bleed…!" The woman—girl—stroked me behind the ear and whispered: "Don't worry little guy, I'll help you. C'mon sweetie…" She placed her arms below and heaved, successfully lifting my hundred or so pound body. She seemed to do it wasting little effort, though I admit it must have been a little easier with all the weight I'd lost from lack of food.

She turned me so I could rest my paws and head on her shoulder and headed further down the hill. It felt so comforting, so nice…it made me feel so sleepy…my paw felt so much better without any pressure on it…my side hurt less against her warm touch. This girl, after meeting me for only one minute was willing to help me so much.

She talked to me quietly as we went along, murmuring how evil the shop owner must be, that maybe he's a demon, but not to worry—she would protect me. Her voice told me she couldn't be more than fifteen. She talked to me like I was a little kid, but I suppose that was just how she treated animals, like her kids. I didn't mind anyway, no one in my childhood had ever talked to me like that. No one had ever made up a story for me to fantasize about and have fun with.

I had lived my childhood like an adult, and was expected to act as such. I finally passed out listening to her tale of demons and heroes, and valiant black dogs.

**TBC**

_**Black Blood Dragon Goddess-**__Here's the update-hope you liked this chapter_

_**StoogegirlSilva-**__ Thanks for the advise, as you can see, I tried but I'll keep trying to make it better._

_**Blondie 24-7-**__ Sorry it wasn't fast…_

_**Emoly/MilyMB-**__ I've been hearing so much about that book I want to read it but I can never find it in my library! Oh, and I love your stories too, can't wait for your update on "Foster Care"_

_**KnightGaurdian-**__ Thanks so much, I hope this chapter lived up to your standards!_


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